SpHiNx

可不可以爱我 by 卢学叡

2010-09-19T17:47:00.000+08:00

为什么如此的安静

为什么明明想靠近却还在迟疑

努力的我保持镇定努力开拓话题

最后却溃不成军

为什么如此的美丽

深刻的烙在心里最温柔的酷刑

每一天无法不想你

连闭上眼睛怎么都是你

你可不可以爱我可不可以想我

虽然我对自己没有一点的把握

别害怕我难过

告诉我你真实的感受

至少忐忑能告一段落

你可不可以爱我可不可以看我

反正看或不看我依然失魂落魄

成全不是美德拒绝也不是一种罪过

你能给我快乐还是寂寞

2010-09-18T10:39:00.001+08:00

facing the friendship chart in front of me, a bunch of don't-know-when-last-washed shoes on my left, my COSY bed on my right, and a flat white wall behind me. Where am i? Yeah~~ J1323, alone, literally. It seems that i am the first to come back to a dusty, and humid unit in J Block. Well~~~ at least i got the internet. *smirk* Have lots to do yet. Refill water, refill my stomach, and then MY BRAIN. Trials in 1 week and i was like wtf-ed. Got D for my P3 =D *smile* mathematics is the hardest subject of all as you will never get questions like 1+1=? rather, it's a+b=? *how else would i know* Go and ask the Prophet =p *smile* Yearns for a McChicken now. see ya =p

I am back ^^

2010-08-30T09:02:00.001+08:00

Stealing a moment in the morning to blog. Yeah, i am. though i may not have updated anything for so long. But now, yeah i am. =D15 minutes more to rush for a bus. On second thought, it's worth reminiscing the many many months that i underwent. Gotten my results, and surprisingly and unexpectedly, a 4 flat. In this context, a real 4 flat for my AS result. Sounds funny yet intriguing since i have been playing the whole 2 semester and by Lady Luck's blessing, i am here today =D Apart of that, my life is so dull. No more football, misses KLT, yearning the gathering we had before. Of course, i have learnt the way that the Sun still rise, the Earth still revolve no matter how bad my situation is. Learnt the way of accepting weaknesses and embracing with love. ^^ Kudos to everyone that have succeeded in life and for those who haven't, do not ever feel down as there's always a better tomorrow ^^

Lost and Found?

2010-07-15T16:38:00.000+08:00

it's been so long since i blogged. Been through a lot, enjoy a lot, and learnt a lot too. I remember i lost my handphone once, left in the bus. i panicky searched high and low for it, but still nowhere to be found. frustrated enough, i called the bus driver, and luckily, it was there, on the chair~ ^^ but life does not always so smooth and fate does not go with your liking. This is only one of the rarest example where you could find what you have lost. things lost are usually remain lost. Sometimes, no matter how hard you tried, how deep u resent, how regretful you are, you cannot changed the fact that those things are lost, for ever. It's like when you are driving a car through a distance, as you go on, the petrol is going to be depleted. And then, you have to refill it. But ask yourself will the petrol totally the same as the one u have used and LOST? no, things don't go like that, the world doesn't revolve around you, that's such a selfish act. It's not like a child throwing a tantrum, push away his favourite dog yesterday, and play with it today just because he want to. It's just a waste of time to think like that. Doesn't the dog have the slightest feeling at all just because you, the Homo sapien, thought you are superior than a dog? It is him who do not want the company of the dog at first, so why regret that if one day the dog just get fed up and go away? Doesn't dog have his own pride? If regret over something can change a thing in this world, the only i regret is that i do not handle things well enough, such as that i do not handle my handphone well. So all in all, life is just not about gaining or losing, it's just all about learning something and never do it again ^^

AS AS AS AS~~~

2010-05-10T15:57:00.000+08:00

AS in 2 more days and i am here, stealing a moment from revising mathematics and biology, to blog. It's been a long time since i last blog, so it's time to catch up some of the recent info. First of all, nothing new, the long-awaited AS exam is on the way. JPA requirement is not high, but of course, it's not easy for intermediate level of me xD been playing around and now revising everything in the very last minute. Hope can get 4A flat. ^^ Second on the list would be, maybe most of you haven't know yet, my whole family is moving up to somewhere in KL, which also means i won't be back to BP as frequent anymore. =( kind of sad as i hafta leave behind everything that i am familiar for the last 18 years. New life here ^^ However, that also means i would have the chance to go back home every weekend next time ^^ provided i know the public transportation to the new house xD Don't jealous ya =p haha~

I think that's all for now, really lazy to blog anyway~~~ wish me luck in my AS ya ^^ thanks =p

i am not insane ~~~

2010-03-12T13:07:00.000+08:00

String theory basically states that all objects including everything on Earth is made up of atoms. And as we know, atoms are made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. What's made them then? Quarks. Then, what happen when we sliced up a quarks? Energy. But as complicated as it may seems, we do know by physics and chemistry that energy is just an abstract thing human use to define the feeling we felt when being touched and is always in calculation form. You can never really see energy right? or is that you haven't discovered it? Let's say, energy made up the quarks and quarks made everything on the Earth, the notebook you are using now, the book you are reading... But if it is so, then we can say Energy=Quarks=Atoms. Then, we do know that energy is everything. But of our science understanding (or that my understanding in science is too shallow) since energy is abstract, then how come now whatever we are seeing now is so concrete if everything is made up of the abstract - energy?

If you already understand the concept, then let's apply to human's lives. If all atoms are unreal, then what are us? You may feel unacceptable now. Then maybe you might as well close this window now as the rest of the concept are going to make you mad if broad-minded is not your choice ^^ By string theory and M-theory, there are, on calculation, 10 or 11 dimensions in the universe. I myself believe in the 23 dimensions. But as we know, a straight line is 1D, x and y axis means 2D, then we are 3D. Then where is the 4th and so on? Einstein proposed the 4th dimensions should be the time. But regardless of anything, we, 3D could see things in 3D to 1D. So, could we said that there are other people in 4D could see us too but we cannot see them otherwise? It's worth the thinking~

Back to the topic again, if i said we all all nothing since all of us are made up of energy which is abstract, then what are us? Remember how the Big Bang theory explained? The explosion of a high-energy atom that exploded and keep expanding, creating new planets on the edge of it's expansion. And so prokaryotes evolved due to favourable conditions, and so after billions of years, here we are. That's yet another theory - Darwin's theory of evolution, which i will just skip it. So, now the Universe is sill expanding and expanding. But as we know, every atom will exert a gravitational force on another atom. Something like that in basic. So, now when new planets are formed, more atoms are formed. There will be one day that the sum of all the gravitational pull > expansion force. So the Universe will undergoes shrinking and back to the origin point again.

Yet again, what i am going to say is that if all of these things are unreal, then why are humans always pursuing things that never existed? What should be the last thing on our mind when we breathe last? We were born, study, get a job, work hard to build a family, earn as much money as we can and then we are on the edge of our life. If we think like that, aren't humans are the one who always creating complications and then try to simplify everything? First of all, are there words in the basis world? Human created it. Are alphabets even existed if no human made it in the first place? What is time? Is time existed too? time is also the after-effect of human to explain the nature since by definition, time is the 1/3.8x10^8 of the speed of light. And yet again, what is light? Light is made up of photons. Yet again, all in all, everything is just the abstract - energy. If it is so, why are human still so obstinate to try to conspire even to the extent of harming other human beings' just for thee sake of own benefits? Aren't they only pursuing the unreal? Even if they really do get the things that they want, is it even the real thing in the first place?

色即是空，空既是色. Buddha saying by the way. It means everything that exist is actually nothing, and nothing is also everything that existed. Doesn't this sychronized with all the research human had done?

In the end, ask yourself, who should be the cause of everything that happen? i could only answer, you will know when you reached that stage of life ^^ haha~

@_@

2010-03-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

Am running away recently. Changed to another class just to avoid everything else. Madam did told me that by doing this is going to arose everyone's curiosity and gossips will start. I said, 'Undeniable'. And so, i get the change. But why am i so still so stress now? Guess i haven't think myself out of the damn box. *sigh* I know i am the one in the wrong all the while. But now, i am still discontented with the accusation of me being selfish by changing class. Am i always so selfish all along? To what extent should i sacrificed and endured would i be said i am not selfish? I am changing class so that i can concentrate in the lecture... am i wrong? i am selfish just because i want to set my mind to study? and even the accusation of i am making the problem worsened... am i? i thought we have sorted everything out that time. I ask for forgiveness and got denied. I ask for time to control my emotion and yet i was forbidden even to the extent not being your friend anymore. And now, i want to leave everything else and leave to restart my study life, i am selfish again? i always believe a man should give in and compromise to a girl. Yet again, what obligations do the society gave to girls? none. Is it that i must endure my partially concentration in class and get a low grade so that i am generous? If you have really think on my side, nothing of all these words would ever come out =( i am selfish even though i have been enduring this feeling for months and respecting your decision. Yet all i got is just all the accusations and hurting comments from everyone. If madam were to ask me again the same question, i think i will just reply, "Unbearable". All i want is just your understanding and nought is what i have gotten so far. Always reminding myself studying is the priority, but with all these, how am i going to ever concentrate? =( Fine then, since to you, i am always the bad guy, the irresponsible, the selfish, the childish guy anyway.... i just need to let off my steam that has been undermined for so long.... So long as you are happy, fine then.....

CNY ^^

2010-02-15T15:55:00.000+08:00

jingle bell jingle bell jingle all the way~~ >.< sorry, wrong song... purposely. In BP now. Have reunion with my family after about three months already. Last reunion is when my brothers' had their weddings ^^ Feel delightful and happy. And of course not to forget the most traditional things in chinese culture - angpau.*$_$* tomorrow am going out with my buddies to 'bai nian' Planned to tour the whole BP and visit all the friends. *smile* Got an invitation for this saturday's gathering for King Scouts. Don't know should i go or not >.< *sigh* By the way, my phone is getting weird lately and i decided to really change it after 2 years of relying on this K660. Considering nokia 5570 now~ *smile* just hope my angpaus can cover all the expenses. Till then ^^

on coming back to hometown ...

2010-02-15T15:36:00.000+08:00

had to sort out everything before CNY that's what i thought. Misunderstanding or not. I am referring to what maybe most of you knew, so i am not going to explain any further. Especially when umair keep grumbling of how emo i have been these few months. i do admit that since been on emotional swing recently which i don't think it will repeat again. J1323 had a brudder's meeting to sort out everything. Had a midnight long meeting though. *sleepy* All in all, misunderstandings happened and we promised nothing of this sort would happen again. No one been always deliberately left out and no one had been deliberately plotting. just glad that everything went back to normal. At least all of us could have a better CNY this year ^^

p.s. the last thing you want on this earth is when doubts arise from the person you still love or like. Time will heal is just a big lie by saints ^^ *smile* i guess i should really get over my own barrier and live on ^^

Zoo Negara Community Service~

2010-02-15T15:24:00.001+08:00

It's been a long time since i last blog and now i am in a blog debt. Last week, we went for National Zoo, not for visit, rather it's 'supposed' to be a charity event. The reason why i stressed on that supposed is because practically, i don't think i have been of any much help to the zoo anyway. Maybe it's just for my group. In the morning, we helped to wash the cage of monkeys, and i was to pick up all the bananas' skin, ended up picking something that is soft, which i thought it is some banana's skin, and which it is not. Not going to describe in a detail way. *sweat* It's just softy to touch. *Laugh* Other than that, we ... were asked to go for the show as the person-in-charge there didn't know anything else for us to do. And so we went for the 'Multi-Animal Show'. Lunch. Went for a real visit to the zoo. Watched a lot of things, including some intimate moments of some animals if you wondered. Basically, really did nothing or helped much in the zoo. Had our group photographs and off we went back home. *smile* All in all, we had a very good time together. Kudos to Cresendo ^^

mixed up everything and you get nought

2010-02-05T16:59:00.001+08:00

Just had a short badminton game with my roommate. Insisting him to play in the rain. Right, it's drizzling. Somehow, i like the feeling of fighting against the winds. Put all my energy in that blow, and off the shuttlecock went, against the flow. I smashed it for the last time....

Applied to my sentiment in life also. Putting all my effort against all odds. However, no matter how hard i tried to smash the shuttlecock into place, it went off way. I am it. Getting pushed over and smashed at. Never ever reach the other end of the court. Blew off course and went back to the initial point. I really tried to reach the other end and get off the initial point, flying across the net, forgoing the court behind. Nonetheless, whenever i flew up into the sky, wind of knaveries knock me off. It do seems that i always scored my own court and not the opponent. I am bad. I wondered why are there such things in this world that always try their way to blow the world upside down. This to that, that to those, those to everything. Changes everything to their own benefit. I guess it applied to every form of life. You don't have to make appointment with troubles, they find you and that's it. Looks like i still haven't learn the way of life. The way of life that condemn you for everything. Defend yourself by making the shuttlecock's head sharp, then only will you reach the other end.

... So now, the wind wins and i am back to my initial point once again...

Dropped, i knocked onto the floor,

this time so hard that i can hardly breathe,

disappointed for putting trust,

and all the so-called statement,

as tiny as i am,

looking up into the sky,

reaching my hand for it,

for i know i never will.

Somehow i know one day i will read back what i have written here and laughed at my stupidity... *smile*

End of Jan~ Beginning of a new outlook~

2010-01-27T20:18:00.000+08:00

A blink of eye, *swoosh* January is almost gone. In fact, it's much more faster than what could be expected. Been really striving hard to study - at least better as compared to the previous semester. Spirit has once again embraced me. Biology AS should be okay ( i wouldn't use the phrase ' no problem' as Confidence still keep me at bay) Chemistry ; same old stories, my worst subjects of all. Last weekend went for ice-skating with my friend. *smile* kinda fun, either the time spent or that i have learnt to love the feeling of frictionless. Ate sushi after that. Like that sashimi. A few days back, one of my coursemate aka my cikgu, gave me a note about all the alphabet in japanese. i am surprised of course. I know i did joke to her about my wanting to learn japanese, and she is serious about that. ^^ but anyway, i am currently taking up japanese as my foreign language. No harm learning another language right?

Opsie... keep blogging till i have forgotten all about my chemistry test tomorrow. A2 syllabus though. One word. Hard. Oh, just remember~ today i have gotten back my result for last semester final result. 1 A out of 4 subjects, 2 if you want to consider Malaysian Studies as one subject. [ this shows how patriotic i am] =.= Only get an A for Biology. Maths and Physics all B, and what further saddened me is that my Chemistry is just a C. Couldn't blame anyone but myself. Result of over-indulging myself in entertainment. Overall, it's 13/15 marks. [calculation make using 3 best subjects]. Passed JPA minimum requirement of 12/15 but it's a close shave. Real close. Hafta pick myself up again and continue my journey in search of Confidence, accompanying by Spirit now - as always, in the past. ^^

random post out of BORINGNESS~

2010-01-17T13:59:00.000+08:00

Weekend once again. A boring one. It's been a long time since i last posted something here. Real long. Guess i am just too busy or just too lazy to update. Anyway, everything stays the same. No much changes. Except that if you count the incident when i was late for the IELTS first class as one. *Smirk*

*Sigh* Things don't turn out what it were to be. Didn't really have any improvement in studies. Finalize a lot of decisions that were to be made which i only make now.

Decided to use proper English in my blog.

Decided to stay back in college's library till 5.40 everyday.

Decided to really strive for top academic award ( which i haven't started just yet)

Decided to let everything follows the flow of fate ( which i denied last time )

Decided to really hold on to what i believed i could do

Decided to have faith in my own ambition last time ( dedicated medical student)

Decided to not let my family down

Decided to finish all AS syllabus by this month ( extended to before CNY )

Decided to pay a visit to my teachers during secondary years if time allowed for that

Decided to really stop crapping here and start my Biology

Decided to really have to stop now

and seriously stopping now~

MSU advertisement in FB~~~

nice phrase =p haha~

2010~ sayanora 2009 and arigatou ^^

2010-01-02T00:54:00.000+08:00

So~~ now i am back in batu pahat, after a long way sitting in that steaming SE Super bus >.< the air-conditioner broke down, and we hafta wait for the mechanic to fix it in the seremban bus station. But before reaching seremban, i am already a toasted gingerbread xD haha~ 5 hours in all, the journey. 9am bus, but 2pm only reach here HAIZ..... anyway, after that, had my first proper meal of year 2010 in Rengit Kopitiam with my friends =) window-shop around Summit and BP Mall xD quite happy though =p though in the end i owe them one meal after a bad gamble. Haha~~ By the way, it's new year arriving. So i must have new vision xD first would be finding back my studying mood... gone for long and i think now it's the time for the mood to come back... cannot letting myself nor others down right? ^^ next would be working hard and aim for 'Top of The World Academic Award' for the four subjects [p.s. it's just an aim to motivate myself though i know the possibility of me getting it is low =p] next on the to-do list is to forget all the unhappy past and look forward for the future ^^

~~~ StUdY sTuDy StUdY ~~~

santa claus where are u?? @_@

2009-12-23T20:08:00.001+08:00

obviously, the day after tomorrow is xmas, and by then i will be back at home, lying on my cozy bed, how blissful ^^ yesterday had our mentoring - bowling session. It's just part of our mentoring programme, so don't ask me why~ our group, i mean mentor group, scored the highest and won the first place out of 4 group ^^ overall, it's fun keke, it's hard to have all 52 of us A-Level students to get together and yesterday is the best time i ever had. And on that day also, i got back my maths result. Its freaking low and even i cannot forgive my carelessness. Ignorance and Ego-ness ruled me for so long. I have been underestimate A-level, little did i know it's goin to be such a rocky path to take. Sometimes i just wonder if last time i clicked on Accountancy and not Medicine during JPA application tender... will everything be smoother? maybe i am just not fit to be here. I am just not what i think and what others think. All these years all i depended on is just my luck in studying. Now, all is gone. What's left is just an empty-shell me, without any talent nor knowledge. I am just asinine, stupid and yet overestimate myself. I had wasted 18 years of my life, doing nothing more than to impress others with my little knowledge. How pathetic! I think i chose the wrong path... But all i can do now is going on with it.

......

i thought i could get over it,

but in the end

i couldn't

rather yet

my emotion is not mine

anymore...

ILY

sorry that i did things

that i shouldn't do

......

true? @_@

2009-12-19T13:15:00.002+08:00

Does your name begin with: N?

You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense.. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate.. You also enjoy mothering your mate.. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.

OCTOBER

*Loves to chat *Loves those who loves him *Loves to takes things at the center *Attractive and suave *Inner and physical beauty *Does not lie or pretend *Sympathetic *Treats friends importantly *Always making friends *Easily hurt but recovers easily *Bad tempered *Selfish *Seldom helps unless asked *Daydreamer *Very opinionated *Does not care of what others think *Emotional *Decisive *Strong clairvoyance *Loves to travel, the arts and literature *Soft-spoken, loving and caring *Romantic *Touchy and easily jealous *Concerned *Loves outdoors *Just and fair *Spendthrift and easily influenced *Easily lose confidence.

October 14th - October 23rd

Silver

SILVER

You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new things. You like to challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and like "Hard to get".. Your love life is normally hard and confusing...

home alone for a night xD

2009-12-19T09:07:00.003+08:00

nice bacon wrapping ~

christmas festive in sunway xD lol

cute right xD haha

yupie~~~ i was home alone last night~ my roommates stayed at kelvin's house for a night... right after our bbq party. We had our bbq party last evening too at kelvin's house, with kelvin as our chauffeur, fetching us from bus stop near Asia Jaya to his place. 6 girls and 8 boys for the party. Bacons, chicken wings. fishes, sausages... you name it, we had it wakaka~~ we had a game of CS but feel sorry as we forgot all about cleaning the place =.= feel real sorry... zzzz anyway, right after the party, all the girls including me and ah long, with kelvin and alwyn as our 'responsible' chauffeur once more xD gave us a ride home to mais. And so, i am alone in my room for the long whole night xD watching comedy and finished part of a chapter in biology =.= and started to do my e-notes xD fell asleep halfway and forgot to turn off the laptop, with the same song keep playing in my media player ~~~ how lazy i am =.=

tales always have a happy ending?

2009-12-14T23:20:00.002+08:00

i still remember most of the story tales of prince and princess that i have ever read or even listened to since childhood. i used to fanatize and fazed about all the happy ending they had or did they? recently i came across a tale that don't even have an ending or maybe it has ended but in the point of view of a reader, i rather wish at least it continues... here the story goes~~~

forget about 'Once upon a time' and all that... that and those are for those child who still fantasize on the impossible since happy endings don't exist. So i will just summarize what i learnt =P

There was a bee, amateur and just graduated from the hive. His job, procure nectar that is. But since what i am talking about now is children's tales... flower talks. And so this bee, believing he can always do his job well, stumbled upon a sunflower one day, a she, and he was in love. Everyday, before returning to the hive he would just deliberately passed by there and have a peek of her. But still he make no effort to confront or get to know her. This went on until one day he buckled up all his courage and try to befriend with her. She is a friendly, understanding and better yet kind flower.... at least to him. They soon became good friends but that didn't last. Things happen and coincided with all the misunderstandings ( i prefer to use misunderstanding rather than real problem actually, so it's subjective here) It may due to the nature of a relationship... something crackled out of a smooth relation, and then it blew. Less meetup, less chatting. And so, the lil' bee never became really into the relation with the sunflower. And the story.... of course not end here and just here. A perfect or i would say one-in-a-million best kind of flower species, was not the only beauty of one's eyes, but many....at least in this context there are one more. There was another bee, cleverer, more handsome, talented, and of course more social able. The lil' bee soon became inferior and the recent quarrel made him even more saddened and so, as most human would do oso i think ( my POV again) - the runaway. He avoided the issues at hand, and day by day, week by week, the urge of mending the broken heart is becoming dull, not because he did not love and care for the Sunflower Sister anymore, it's just he started to think maybe a stronger and better bee is more suitable for a perfect girl like her. What's more what the lil' bee been giving Sunflower is just troubles and more problems. She had even shed her dew more than once.

But then, easier is said than done and this phrase always applies. He can't control all his emotions nor his actions anymore. He discovered that without her, he is just a monotonous bee. But whenever he is with her, he felt that he is still alive, and there is meaning of life to carry on. But still, earth doesn't stop for you and time wouldn't sympathized a lil' bee like him neither. Life goes on.... The ending? It haven't been published and published yet till now, and i will keep up to date anyway ...

This is the tale of a bee, a stupid one i think =.= most story teller would continue the ending by giving the lil' bee and beautiful flower a chance to rekindled, but would this scenario happen in real world too? Prince and princess always live happily ever after? No, that is yet again, to give an innocent child a glimmer of hope i this realistic world... too realistic i would say ~~~ But then, what you think the ending should be? anyway, i will be sure to get the ending soon, hope so =)

first week of second sem ^^

2009-12-13T20:20:00.006+08:00

keke~~~ a photo i took after a jog at Tasik Shah Alam ^^ wakaka~~ been a long time i din go for a jog dy~~~ fat fat le xD gone are the days of six pegs (p.s as if i have it =P) so today i took the decision goin for a jog once again and it's tiring =.= haiz..... nevertheless, halfway through the jog, it's drizzling xD but i still continued anyway, cannot turned back oso =P haha, erm.... regarding studies, it's still okay for now ^^ then regarding financial xD my purse broke dy... literally xD a hole in the coin pocket xD and the coins all boozed out ~~~ and by the way, michael's came back dy xD haiz..... haha..... actually not really unhappy la, glad another roommates come back dy ^^ though just now we did have a surprise for him xD see below then~~~ =P

the surprise pasted on the door haha ^^

there~ spoilt dy xD and of course the many coins is for

photography purposes =P

random post

2009-12-12T18:16:00.003+08:00

today is saturday xD sunny, nice weather xD haha.... nth to do or more presicely, lazy to do. Have some more chapters of biology and chemistry to cover for the AS syllabus ^^ keke... erm.... yesterday go 1 Utama with my housemates. A 3-hour 'trip' by U82 and U80 =.= zzzzzz sit in the bus till wan die le xD basically doing nth there oso, other than window-shop, it's window-shop yet again =.= and the whole place is so big that my legs was at the brink of breaking xD though i bought nth, but still used up one note of rm50 ^^ it's not much xD haha, cox i ate for dinner at wong kok for less than rm10 =D haha, incredible, and it's delicious still keke~~~

less than rm10 =P

santa claus is coming to town~~ ^^

holiday wan read book? @_@

2009-12-03T01:02:00.003+08:00

so~~~~ as u can see~~~ i have my biology book opened up, ended up playing games~~~ haha xD holiday read books? or games? haha...i prefer the latter anyway =P

sem break?

2009-11-30T15:50:00.004+08:00

1 week that is. Change my specs keke, got it just today and it's cool xD cost around rm150 ^^ affordable la~~~ just now just went to change for my new IC, very crowded =.= zzzzzzz anyway, had my face photograph and would get the IC in 3 weeks, which is Christmas...so i guess i will be coming home by then again XD haha~~~ it's just strange how time goes~~ still remember the first time i went to that very department to make my own IC at the age of 12, and now i am there again to change my IC at the age of 18 =) i have aged but not too aged xD haha

anyway, yesterday had a gathering with my secondary friends. Happy to know all are well and healthy and still can birdie-talk haha~~~ and of course everyone got their future paved... yet again it's strange how we all had share the common experience and school life,

now each of us had our own destiny ^^ but i do know that all of us are just going tol have a happy ending ^^ keke~~~ think will stop here for now...holiday is boring but i do hope i can enjoy the boring-ness longer =P

it's themed blue btw =P no more sarjit to restrict specs colour =P

Bee Pee at last ^^

2009-11-28T03:37:00.006+08:00

after much 'turmoil' in the sem finale~~~~ i am back xD wakaka. Though i know i din really do well especially the practical part lol.... wet the whole table doing chem, drop the pendulum doin phy, and can never get the starch result in bio xD lol...anyway~~~ i did try my best...or did i? nvm.....past dy wakaka....now it's the long-awaited holiday~~~ 1 week =.= fine~~~ nvm....1 week can do many thgs dy~~ wakaka...brought 2 books back, bio and maths P1, 'plannin' to read and revise and i hope it wont remain as plan of course xD haha erm...still owed one person sushi meal anyway =.= tmr is goin to be family day~~~~ woo hoo....

i have been slping to get over and run away from problems i guess, slept too much, the whole mind is full, can't stop thinking haiz =(

new 2gb mp3 player bought at lowyat the day before my phy paper 3 haha =P

1st week of final sem~~

2009-11-21T15:22:00.005+08:00

woot~~~ finish up my first week of final sem, overall...still ok, though i screwed my maths and biology paper 3...others are still good in the sense that i think i know how to answer =P erm..next week going back dy~~~ but most of my friends will be in Subang =( friends mean poahong, edward, kevin, wen hai and jun yong la~~~~ lol...s basically can be said all alone in bp through the weekend haiz.... next week;s papers are chemi 1 and 3, phy 2 and 3, and last but not least(it's none, so not least xD) m'sian studies HAHA~~~ yerterday just went out for movie 2012 with my buddies here ^^ 2012 is nice~~~ and the effect is even nicer when u sit in the front row, though u get neck-pain after that. Btw, it's 11 ppl, so we booked the whole row haha~~~ But if i were to die tomorrow, i will ... *shhhh* secret =P haha, bye ya for now~~~ wanna read my phy dy~~~ paper 2 oso hard wakaka~~~ =p

50th post~

2009-11-13T13:39:00.002+08:00

entering 50th post =P haha....first of all, i am having final sem exam in just 3 more days, 2 and a half to be precise. The good news is the aftermath of exam - holiday, the bad news is i haven't even prepared finish for even one of the five subjects, four if u ignore m'sian studies =P haha..... dunno y i just can't even buck up though most of my course mates dy in gear five, accelerating infinitely xD and me? still neutral haha, luckily din put reverse gear =P erm...next is our seniors are ending their A level, graduating that is. We still have one year @_@ hopefully won't be a long hard one =P later maybe goin pavillion with my bro~~~ haha...forgoing all revision =P blek haha =D

exam nearing xD

2009-11-08T11:09:00.004+08:00

Exam! Exam! Exam! Final sem coming xD this time really have to study hard. Real hard. But time is running out and this few days i have only covered most of chemi and chemi alone xD die xD haiz.... nvm then~~~ work hard, study smart =P By the way, goin back to BP on 27th morning bus at 9am~~~ though it's only a week holiday, but i think it's always better than staying in mais ^^ this few weeks happen quite a lotsa of things but all things need a conclusion and i did it, inappropriately. Going out with 'brudders' aka house mates frequently and it's fun ^^ haha...laugh all the way when we step out of the house till we get into the house late at night =) My mind in a whirled now. Sometimes i just wonder it is the right thing to do or not by prioritizing studies ... =P

trip to parliament~~

tada~~~

Graoup A2~~

experimenting in lab?

who says cannot photograph in toilet? sunway =P

2009-10-28T19:59:00.006+08:00

had a tiff today...out of nothingness, or that the reason i dunno. I have been wanting to say i am sorry but i dunno where to start of. Recently we have been quarreling over small thgs and today till the point that i did not know what that made u sad. I know i must have done something wrong and said something wrong. Maybe u r right all along. I cannot differentiate between love and like, and that my wanting to be with u is just out of daily habit. i have been thinking the whole day, whenever u r back in ur hometown, u can always smile and laugh so happily and whenever u r here, u rarely laugh. I know and i know by heart that only them can make u happy. I am just not worthy for u since all i brg is just troubles, problems, and unhappiness. I hate seeing u sad and cry..... But on the other hand, how i wanted to phone u now, but i dunno what to say next. I am just a jerk blocking ur path. I wanted to say 'I love u' but then my courage plunged. Since in the beginning, u are dy given the choice to ignore me....u r not obliged to account for anyone nor anythg to accept all my feeling..... Sometimes i wish i did tell u to just stay away from me, but i hesitated. My heart ache. Very. I miss u every night. Your sometimes sudden coldness interchange with friendliness baffled me. you're not wrg.....since i am the one who started all this. Maybe u r better to be with them in hometown. I just owe u too much that i cannot face u anymore.....I dunno all this is all the statement when we are on hot heads now or that i am just too emo..... but i really nid some space of mine to voice out....

Sorry that i made u sad,

Thank you for everything,

i love you

2009-10-01T20:13:00.003+08:00

the time now is 8.14pm and i am dazing in front of the laptop(as usual) with a chemistry book. Today actually planned to study anyway....ended up playing games the whole day =.= haiz....erm...there is a good news and a bad news~~~ good news is that i have learnt how to swim~~~ wheeeee~~~~ bad news is i don follow the correct way of swimming wakakaka~~~ who cares anyway~~~ can move can dy la =P but use a lotsa of energy o XD now very tired and muscle pain @_@ haiz.... XD tmr class also cancelled...nth surprising out of the college.... dunno y....this few days quite relax de.....mayb i have learnt how to take things at ease dy ba~~~ feel lighter a bit =) ....oh ya~~~~ i lost my watch at bee pee XD zzzzzz haiz.....now everyday no watch very weird like that le XD okok dy la~~~~ since nth major incident occur and i hope it will nt happen anyway~~~ i got nth more to write =P wanna K my books dy wakakaka~~~ cya lo~~~~ =P

holiday~~

2009-09-16T00:40:00.004+08:00

screwed my mid sem xD almost every paper got leave blank o...haiz.....where has the old ah ngo gone to? =P nvm ba...let bygones be bygones lo~~~~ now must really strive hard for better results le =D hope i can do it....anyway, now the holidays is nearing o, tmr is the last day of lecture dy and after that...we finally have our long awaited holidays~~~ raya holidays ofc =P but i am not going back bp so soon o...will be going taiping to attend my bro's wedding first...then maybe 21st only back in bp lo =) don miss me ya xD haha..will be back soon de =P keke....btw, these days got ppl kp throw fire crackers downstairs from the block above. Sometimes i wondered how in the world got such ppl exist? Don't they know how danger that would be? or what if they hurt someone? They think that playing like this is fun =.= childish...in the extreme extent haiz.....

crappy day for me =.=

2009-09-09T14:37:00.002+08:00

had my math test today and i freaking leave 1 question blank ..... dunno y cnt figure out that question that time......tensed up? no,,,,,,,din study till the last minute =.= the result for not studying and i can't blame anyone for my own laziness. You reap what you sow and i sow nth.....zzzzz....tmr is chemi again and chemi is still my worst subject...screwed up my bio and math dy =.= haiz....damn moody now o.....help~~~~~

love is~

2009-09-07T14:34:00.001+08:00

妥协 - 蔡依林

你总爱编织谎言我负责配合表演
所有改变只为了进入你的世界
这情节重复了一百遍
才发现是你的心太野
你划定楚河汉界我不能轻易犯规
所有时间都是先给了你优先权
不自觉爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈
爱到妥协到头来还是无解
绑着你不让你飞
历史不断重演我好累
爱到妥协也无法将故事再重写
你已下最后通牒我躲在我的世界
你只是害怕一个人睡
我不想在为你掉泪
我了解不会变不再徘徊
开始自己的明天

Guilt

2009-09-07T02:13:00.002+08:00

yupie, i am guilty xD i am here initially to have a good study and learning, but as of today, i just knew i did nth of these in the last 2 months. Been lazing around xD and today is the 1st time i really concentrate all my focus in reading since i am here =.= been a long time since this feeling been gone after SPM and today he came back to me wakakaka...but still maybe it's too late xD tuesday exam dy aiks.....dunno how will my mid-sem result o =.= so worry xD lol, so..........so as not to let down he who-has-just-returned, i hafta chg my lifestyle dy xD slp at 11pm wake up at 5 to study ~~~~~ yayaya...lol...easier said than done anyway xD LOL and i won't follow the flow of lecturer ever again =.= hafta make my way out of all the syllabus =P wakaka~~~ wish me good luck for my mid-sem then =P gonna continue my chemi now =.= aiks..... =)

adrenaline feeling ...

2009-09-07T01:46:00.004+08:00

awh~~~ too tired of reading chemistry dy...but have a sudden urge to be a poet and so here it goes~~ p.s rmb to leave some comment =P

monolithic he were,

rigidly viewing the land,

laying motionless beneath him.

reminiscence ensued,

of all

the hill conquered,

the river traversed,

the jungle explored,

with only one purpose,

purpose of his existence,

foraging and searching.

an ant he were,

with diligence and commitment,

surviving the world he had,

the world of a garden.

LOLOLOLOL, i know this is a bad poem. No rhythm or watsoever xD well~~~~~ impromtu wat =P keke...anyway, Lesson of the story...er...the poem....is even an ant try hard to survive in its own world, why am i still so lazy don wan to continue my chemistry xD HAHA =.=

the sky is clear again ^^

2009-09-06T00:37:00.003+08:00

everything is back to normal and i am just happy ^^ sometimes it is really a relieve to be truthful xD keke......strive for 4 flat for now~~~ aza aza fighting =D~~~ btw......got someone promise to get 4 flat oso or else will become 猪婆 de wor~~~~ wakaka =P

emo-ing~

2009-09-05T16:00:00.005+08:00

very very very stress + moody. Haiz....maybe because of missing the time wf friends or maybe of somethg else i dunno. Just knew that next week is the mid-sem exam, which i don even know to sit for an exam that i dunno the format and how to answer.....BUT whenever i open up my book, my mind went blank =( dunno y i can't even cope wf 5 subjects~ lost all my fighting spirit ..... living easy for too long i think xD haiz....sometimes really feel the uselessness in me. after mid-sem is holiday~~~ wanting to go back so much. Not because of homesickness...just don like to be here, staring at the squarish laptop everyday, facing the same problem everyday, and facing the same books everyday.

i lost my dedication,

i lost my spirit,

lost my hope,

lost my aim.

what i am gaining is nothing

but a bunch of lessons learnt

Impromtu~

2009-08-13T23:01:00.005+08:00

just another post out of a boring day. 'Forced' by mr umair that i shud update the blog of mine =P Dunno wat to update anyway.....just too boring keep doing my maths tutorial..these few days are good~~~ cox class keep cancelled lol. Fooling around wf my friends here =D keke....anyway, just now just called home. Batu Pahat is the highest h1n1 case in johore and yet johore top the list in m'sia. So~~~~ batu pahat top in m'sia xD nthg to be proud of. Just worried about my family and friends over there. Situation in shah alam is not that bad so far xD At least not many ppl wear mask, considering the case here are still not so in red alert xD back to lifestyle.......actually, have already adapted to the way of life here. Wake up at 7, take bus at 7.20, class at 8, then come back at approx 5pm xD leisure is almost everyday xD studying is rare lol, even worst than my sec life =P okok dy la~~~ nth to write oso since this is just an impromtu one~~~ cya...till then =P p.s : below attached a few SS photo of us buahahahahaha =P

new college life~~

2009-07-31T17:37:00.002+08:00

close ur other application and programs cox this is gonna be a very long post~~~ since this is another post of mine after so many 'weeks', so prepare ur ears ya~~~ =P

first thg first, about the 'lavish' accomodation aka hostel we have at Wisma Mais. 8 ppl per unit and there are only 3 'not-even-average' rooms. i got the 3 ppl per room and seriously, it's small xD haiz.....only enough to have a single-file empty space and 3 of us(my roommates - Michael and Sean) hafta sleep in only just 2 beds xD @_@ don't ask me how comfortable it is cox it's not going to be a +ve ans =P haha, anyway, life there is good. Housemates are all good oso. Chat and play everyday xD there are badminton courts and a very big lake near the hostel. The lake is very big =.= a whole big round took me 30 mins xD and there is a mcd just downstairs of the hostel - the only thg that attract is the WiFi anyway =P anyway, my house is going to have streamyx soon, then i could update my blog anytime~~~ or else 'ppl' will start kp calling for me xD hahahahahaha.....erm...MSU is basically not even college xD lecturers r ok...in the sense that i can still tahan....zzzzzzz.....but seriously.......hsbp tc r better xD another thg is that a level is expensive =.= bought an ori rm120 bio text for a book of little info =.= cnt even compared to a rm20 photostated reference =.= haiz......coursemates till now are mostly friendly ^^ don have much prob there oso.........so overall no prob lo =P *no nid to worry for me thou i know no one will oso* wakakakaka.....today went back to hsbp...met friends and tcs....yih hai told me he miss 5 Cendana wor.....i miss 5 Cendana oso...how we could sleep and chat together in bio class, ponteng boring class together, eat during pre-recess class, late into class, bird-talking(gcw) =P, grumble bout tc together~~~haha, tis is somethg that is gone and nvr be the same again anyway......haiz.......but anyway, we r still in contact ^^ though i don kp in touch wf all 5 Cendanians......but i think one day we are goin to have a big gathering of 5 Cendanians anyway =P haha...cya...till then le..wanna go out le tata~~~~ =D

packing and bucking up !!!

2009-06-29T18:50:00.003+08:00

packing all of my luggage now and got bored..so feel wanna make another post just before i went for study. I HAVE A WHOLE LOTS OF LUGGAGE xD haha...4 boxes of things, 1 luggage, 1 backpack, 2 pails, pillows and blanket @_@ so many =.= zzzzzz anyway, better be prepared~~~ dunno what's provided and what's not xD actually want to go back hsbp...but...can't find a better excuse to go back ler xD wanna see teachers? this idea is lame =.= only a few that i may see maybe =.= and things are getting cramped. My bro's wedding that is. I have to go msu at 1st june, come back bp at 3rd, attend wedding at 4th, and rush back msu at 5th =.= dunno y i always have to get my timetable so cramped that i can barely breathe. This may be my last post for a period of time since i am not going to have a laptop over there until hopefully september when i get my budget @_@ anyhow, just the thought of surviving without laptop in these 2 months is zzzzzz. The only communication i left is my mobile phone and that's it. aiks.....how to pass my time there? stucking myself in the mountains of books? @_@ opsie...taking too much time to blog xD hafta continue to pack and compress everything into 1 luggage bag xD haha....sitting on it will help or not? =P lol cya, till then~~~

busy busy busy!!!

2009-06-16T22:21:00.003+08:00

this is what i have been doin.....yup...painting painting and painting XD one of the preparations for my bro's wed lol....and the victim? my just-came-back third bro and me lol....other than that, been busying working - counting clothes again~~~ but this time is rather different from the previous one...not a few ten or so packs of clothes...it a whole container of clothes GOSH!!! today is the 2nd day....quite relaxing though~~ another reason for my absenties in 'da internet' is that my crappy computer busted XD and so...less online as a result. Though my bro's laptop is always here, but 2 ppl usig one objects makes us only 50% of using time each XD haha....gtg~~~~ next update would be....er...unknown =P cya =P

...

2009-06-10T08:30:00.000+08:00

sometimes i am just thinking too much ... most of the time i mean

loner

2009-06-05T16:55:00.006+08:00

CONFIRM!!!! from all the malaysians i know, only me is msu>india>mmmc. O_O''' actually, it's okay =P i don't really mind XD just a little worried about me studying abroad in india. Since the arrivation of jpa letter, been receiving lotsa comments about india. Positive and negative comments that is XD

Positive :

india medicine is renowned and they are expertise especially in surgery, you should be glad.
some seniors can even hire maid using their living allowance ($_$)
manipal medic U is good. The profs there are helpful
you can always fly back since it's cheap ($_$)

Negative :

india's hot @_@
not many entertainment place
*not a comment* just the kind of 'looking down' expression * XD

i won't say those comments din't affect my view of india. Nor would i deny that these do discouraged me or encouraged me anyhow. I remember i used to say the profession is what matters, not the country. I choose medic just to help patients and i choose medic cox i like the feeling of seeing ppl healed. Am i wrong in the past of my perceptions and principles in life? Do i really mind but just deny it? Maybe. My determination starting to waiver. Whether india's good or bad, i think i should just leave it to the Fact and not Comments. Since some comments are subjective or even told by ignorant ppl or even narrow minded. Or maybe india is really bad? Bah~~~ stop discuss about that. All i want to be is just a good doctor.....that is it. Just hope the hands of mine could save one or two ppl and see them well again =D
^^

medical check XD

2009-06-02T16:54:00.004+08:00

8am reached the KK(Klinik Kesihatan) and waited...waited....waiting~~~ lol. Fast forward. Met tian eu, ching hon, jun sheng, hik tao, wee boon, jin han and waihong and kee chun and xin jie @_@ almost dy every hsbp jpa scholars dy there XD first is the blood test at 11am...ya..after 3 hours of chatting though XD at first is all right, saw the needle prick in and drew blood. But, when plucking out from my living-cell skin...the nurse like got 'bengkok' a bit...zzzzz....and it swell up right after that XD tianeu's worst than me though =P poor him XD then the urine test uh-hu * clear throat* i think i will just skip this part XD haha, but it was really funny for the process...especially we, the hsbp-ian comes in XD haha. *Next* erm...oh....we go upstairs for the TB(tuberculosis) checking injection. The syringe is small but the pain is no lesser XD i thought it's small...and so...small needle = little pain. But the pain is more excruciating compared to the blood test XD the explaination is this...this needle din go through ur muscle cells. It stays at ur skin cell or epitelium say maybe and start to push in all the fluid XD it's very visible that the skin swell up as the syringe is being pushed. Zzzzz....the nurse said it's just an ant bite XD true~~ a carnivorous ant she meant XD anyway, the nurse there is good =D And can u believe it? we pay rm175 for all these XD including x-ray ofc XD it's cheap la...but it took away all my 10's and 50's notes in my wallet just enough to cover the 175 XD i ended up rm9 in my wallet XD and we went for McDonald for lunch some more XD now at the moment, my wallet left...er...nth =P lol After lunch, we went for Hospital Soga BP for the x-ray thing. It's real fast. We register and i got no. 12 in queue. Then when it's my turn, i went in, take off my clothes, hug that screen haha....breathed in, and hold the breathe, snap and i am done XD all within 10 seconds XD and i get the x-ray in another 10 mins only XD lol~~~~ this is seriously the first time i got the x-ray XD and i always thought it would have some effect on my skin or whatsoever....a hot felling or wat...but NO!!!! nth at all. It's like u r just standing bare-top for a while and went out the room zzzzzz lol, imagine how advanced is the tech today XD or mayb i have been living in primitive age that i din realize x-ray din hurt XD hohohoho~~~~

alone in foreign country =.= and local =.=

2009-06-01T21:18:00.003+08:00

today......i just found out that for all 7 ppl in hsbp that apply for medic, and 4 of us who get it, only me in india and msu. Another in UK, another ireland twinning and another who still don't know his country until 2.5 years in IMU. Things are even worse when all the malaysians that i even know....no one is in msu or india =.= crap. Alone in india and shah alam. Gonna be a hard start. This is just the beginning of my journey and a barrier is already there. Zzzzz. 18mths in MSU Shah Alam, 2.5 years in india manipal and 2.5 years in Malacca Manipal Medical College is a very long time - real long. And i have no one i knew XD ofc friends can be made~ but no friend can be as close as secondary friends right? at least that is what i believe now
...

another step ahead perhaps...

2009-05-30T11:38:00.003+08:00

after an all night gaming till 9am, my eyelids are so heavy that i lay on my bed only to hear my dad shouting for me and said "Pos laju is here...jpa letter" i immediately got up though my brain already working at 40% efficiency. I went out with that gloomy face of mine, signed that resit and take the letter. A big one. Slowly, i opened it up using a pen knife and the first thg i saw is MSU College Shah Alam. Oh okay...that's not the main point....then i looked further for the letter, and there stated "Melaka Manipal Medical College" Program berkembar with an india allowance brochure attached behind. India!!!!! LOL.....i always joke with my friends that i would one day ended up marrying an indian wife...omg...it's coming true XD anyway, kinda sad la.....the MSU orientation - last day (ceremony) clashes with my second bro's wedding. haiz.... don't know can come back to attend or not =.= anyway, my 2nd and 3rd bro coming back today...gonna discuss with them. Btw, my 3rd bro graduated as a doc keke.....and he did try to bluff me he failed his final exam and have to retake =.= zzzzzzzz anyway, been waiting for this letter for so long already. At least less one burden in mind...eh...but it adds two more burden =.= zzzzz just hope everything will end up well =D

yet again ...

2009-05-25T22:29:00.003+08:00

another boring day. no climax at all. --------- that's my graph for the day XD haha, anyway, most of friends already start studying and how i envy them that they have things to do. As for me, nothing. wake up, eat and sleep. Been living a pig's life at barn waiting to be slaughter =.= anyway, today i got the invitation letter from ASEAN scholarship calling me to go for the exam, got 3 exam, maths, english and general ability =.= dunno what's the general ability means.....anyway, every exams have 3 hours allocated!!!! must be 200+ Q of mathematics!!! lol @_@ all the formulas i still dunno remember or not =.= still remember that time for the petronas EDUCAMP maths test, i forgot the dy/dx=0 formula to find the min or max point XD lol, but i did get that Q right cox of Lady Luck haha, tembak je~~~ anyhow, now need to reply the letter dy, tomorrow i think...zzzz....dunno wan go or not ler~~~ since i know even i got the scholarship in the end, i still hold on to the jpa cox jpa offers me medic while asean only gives me pre-U. Medic in SG is impossible for foreigners...that i know =P haha, go or not??????? ...

Doctors' life the best?

2009-05-23T02:57:00.004+08:00

Many people have the misconception of a doctor's life actually. Been showered by all the comments that i actually think that it's not totally true although some of it is true.

First, most people say that doctor earns much, which i would definitely disagree. Doctors nowadays don't earn much. They used to...in the olden days. Very very old. Doctors used to hold a higher status and owns a big paycheck due to their profession's rarity. But today, we are coming to a doctors' boom actually. Doctors here and there. And doctors, apart from their heavy responsibities in saving lives, some, who, very unfortunate, have one of their patients dies, been sued for their mistakes. I dunno why most people only grumble about their mistake and very rare that on occasion we see patients are grateful to the doctors because most of them think that that is their responsibility and work.

Second, doctors here is truly having miserable life. Let's say a doctor, after having done through the on-call system, working 36 hours ++ in the hospital, gets home, lie down on the bed, and then the phone rings, emergency call, and he would have to rush back to the hospital. That's what really happen. They don't have private life at all. When i say 'at all', it's really like that.

Then maybe you will ask me why i choose medicine then? Well, i could only say, i used to make doctor an aim so that i could achieve much in SPM. Inspiration and motivation. But now, i found that despite all the cons that flood the pros, i am really into it already. I really don't want to waste my life away, living a rich guy, doing nth but doing their habitual thg every little day (eat, work, sleep, and so on) To me, it's just too monotonous. But as a doctor, i could maybe save one or two lives. Even though in the end they may not thank me for that, i would still be happy just to be able to drag someone back from the netherlands. Some ppl may say i am just under parents' pressure or that i have other bad motives in being a doc that i may not like. Seriously, my parents don't want me to be a doctor, they want...erm..not want cox they never forced me, they recommend a lawyer you know? A lawyer~~~ I dunno why...mayb cox if i am a lawyer, then they would have a chemist, engineer, doctor, and lawyer at home. But ofc that may not be what they are thinking. Being a lawyer is not a bad thing, but it's just not to my interest.

I know that one of the days ahead i may feel that maybe medicine is not my stuff anyway. But i can say forehanded that i would never regret as i have chosen what i want to be now and at least for now, i am happy for my decision. Maybe in a year's time i would realize how unfit i am for the job, but there is always a way out. So, sometimes, it's better to look ahead far enough, but at other times, looking too far may caused u even more troubles. haha, that reminds me of 'The Road Not Taken' =P

LOL

2009-05-23T02:49:00.003+08:00

here i am again to talk about my boring-almost-coming-to-an-end holidays. First let me brief of what i have been doing. On the top of the list is.....driving!!!! bua hahaha, driving can be fun, could be frustrated oso due to some very very very overbearing drivers on the road LOL, anyway, i drove to lateh, movie-ing. Next is ofc moviessssss, watch a lotsa this week at MBO and BIG big big big cinema. Night at the Museum 2, Mall Cop, Monster vs Aliens =.=, Wolverine, and Star Trek. Can't believe all of this are being scanned through in just 2 weeks. And yet again, draining low =( no $$ dy =P been reading 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'. It's very educational esp on financial literacy but not recommend to those schoolers cox this book don't encourage too much schooling anyway. Then today, snatched 3 books that should cost about rm150+ at only rm15 at carrefour!!!!! can't believe myself also. Authors like Nora Roberts' and Steve Berry's workpieces!!! omg...this is not a steal, it's a ROB LOL 3 hours from now i should be at the stadium for KLT meeting aka football~~~ IF i could ever wake up then =P haha, cya

worst still ...

2009-05-19T23:30:00.003+08:00

these few days are just so damn boring and stupid. Been working to earn more money. Draining low ... lateh and kbox too much i think, hafta stop already. And today, just now i mean, i was so moody. Don't ask me why, too many factors. And i went to parkson and shop for new clothes. Just when i went to the Renoma section, my dad showed me one of the clothes but it's in L size. I did want to try out the shirt that time, but the promoter there is so unprofessional and arrogant. She was talking to her maybe-friends during working hours. Okay, acceptable, who wouldn't slack when working? Then she was like very unwillingly and said got size S, when asked. Then, i also dunno till now why she had been laughing all the way to her friends and keep repeating that phrase about 4-5 times to my dad. I was starting to infuriated. All the burdens and troubles all this while in my mind all added up at one time. But i endured. Okay, i left the section and the last word that came out of her is 'Cheh, leceh'. My BP was boiling. I am trying to control myself already. At the real end limit. I used the escalator went upstairs but the feeling of being insulted was getting stronger and stronger. And so, i did something that i have never done before. With an already-sulking and angry face i supposed, i went down, go in front of her and asked her name. Saw the name tag actually. Deliberately want to let her know i am going to complain. She didn't answer. But at that moment, it's like all my courage bucked up. Then, i walked away, was trying to ask the cashier nearby for the office room. Luckily, seriously, luckily, my dad stopped me. And then, i deliberately spoke in english and in a rather high voice that " We have the customer's right, how could she said like that? Is this how this shopping mall operate?" i asked my dad. And at that very moment, i am back to normal again after thinking through. I think that if i was not stopped, i would probably end up in the office complaining. I am sure of that since i was so fed up that time, which i never experienced before. Today is such a asinine day.

dumb~

2009-05-13T17:01:00.003+08:00

seriously, i feel dumb. People are greedy, i mean, i am damn greedy. It is already considered lucky that i get the jpa miraculously. And now, i am feeling uneasy cox i din get a call from jpa asking me to go for russian language kursus which is starting this sunday. Dumb me. Feel the tingy though. Should have been glad for getting the scholarship and now i am craving for more in selected countries. =.= just coudn't get rid of the feeling. Anyway, for those who still dunno yet, i am writing a blog of story now entitled "Lineage of Sphinx" here or manually http://lineageofsphinx.blogspot.com/. As an intro, uh-hmm, it sets in a magical kingdom called Gordon, with the main character, Cassiopeia, getting back what her family has lost. Just that i can divulge now, as that's what i know oso for now. Actually writing this is just a sudden rush and i immediately wrote one, ignoring what plot and bla bla bla, lol, so if u have the time to spare, check this web out ya =D suspence on the way~~~ haha

turning point of my life~

2009-05-09T02:38:00.004+08:00

from a nobody to one more step to my dream. I rmb how i craved to be a doc, and how i have been wanting to be one, and today, i just did it =D very happy, it's like a gift from government haha, though this is just the very beginning of a very long road, but i am glad dy =D keke, overflown by joy, today, for relaxation b4 seeing the result at 5pm, i went to GP and played the Left 4 Dead, the game is nice...really, very challenging and fun, but then, after 3 hours of crossfire, i hafta face the computer at home at 5pm. I check the website....server down, after much tries, i got in, but still cnt check, F5 then became my favourite button, pressed every 3-4 minutes, but still cnt until 7pm and i gave up. Stomach growling. My first meal of the day...seriously...first meal. I also just realize that XD then went out for party. It's a sending-ppl-off party....i mean sending us off, tmr, er...i mean, 3 hours from now, everyone would be in their respective vehicle, bus or taxi, going to pursue their further studies dy. Friends seperated. But i am sure we can meet again =D haha, that's friends keke, and wf our Mr. OC poahong here, a lateh session is sure to have LOL mayb not hamid corner bp dy, but hamid corner in kl LOL, anyway, now very tired dy, sang karaoke till my voice box hoarse dy XD haha, o o time dy cya =D

all going out of way =.=

2009-04-30T01:42:00.003+08:00

11 may... penang matrix registration day which i had dy spent rm220 for the registration fee, and at the same time, it is also the day jpa result will be out, the former foolproof plan is that i help in the charity work from 30th april to 3rd may, and then i take my driving exam on may 4, hopefully get the P XD and get the license in a few days. Then, i would go to KL on 9th, reached penang by 10th. Wait for mr umair to check for me for the jpa, which hopefully...very hopeful ... can get =P . If really that unfortunate and i will have to register for penang matrix on 11th. That's the first plan. Things don't go as planned...most of the time. And sure it does. Received an e-mail, calling for interview by bnm for my applied courses = accountancy and law =.= the main point is on 14th may. omg =.= 14th may...i don even know where i would be after 11th may... and i have to reply to bnm now...today 30th april... @_@ so many dates...lol...i mean dates not 'dates' ... =.= very 'fan' and clueless, things don't go off way until 8th may comes in =.= zzzzzzzz omg =.= help...and now in hand, i have lots of documents for certification and now still at 0% can't help but laugh at my own stupidity and laziness. And still i am still sitting in front of computer after all day of playing around and partying, typing this post just to procrastinate all my work =.= lose passion in working on somethg =.= really should sort it out myself =.= somethg is wrg wf me XD
...

Awake

2009-04-26T23:36:00.004+08:00

yesterday can be said to be the happiest moment in my whole 5-months holiday. I went back to sch, invited by my juniors to their camp for bbq. At first, it was quite bored, haha, cox there's typically nth for us to do except for that bbq, i don't eat much at the bbq, a few sausages only, haha, those who went know why XD anyway, as it was a very rare oppurtunity, and i actually very missed the past when i set up a camp in the middle of the camp, or even build a menara just for that occasion. And so i anticipated the 'night walk' programme at around 3am. All my encounters before...i mean those uh-hu u know, resurfaced in my mind. LOL, i can still rmb every case i heard..not saw..never saw one b4, and hopefully will NOT too. This is the only camp when i really get involved in "giving courage", or commonly known as scaring =P juniors XD haha, and so, as an intro, i was asked to give a little speech of my experienced, and i told those juniors wat i know ofc =D and incredibly, they were scared XD haha, and as a result, i hafta accompanied my form 1 junior to walk as he was too scared till wanna gave up the activity =.= overall, it was such a nice day =) and so, i was lying like a woodblock on my bed sharp at 6am =.= today at around 4pm, i was called for driving lesson unscheduled, didn't prepare for it though. Today's driving lesson is better, less scolding showered on me XD lol, at least in the end, i drove home unscratched. haha, and then this afternoon, someone knocked the sense out of me, and i also realized i am too complacent too, i am starting to become those arrogant ppl, those who always think they are right, ya...i am becoming that or even already at that stage XD anyway, i promised to chg, begone that complacent ngo =P lol

i really missed the time as a scout~~

and all the time we spent together, even boiling water on trees~~or even meet wf long-time-din meet "friends" like last night =P haha, those who went know =P LOL, but sry to them, i forgot XD
or even build this menara wf all of our hard work, 2 storeys high~~
i really...really...missed scouts~~~ cheers~~~ =D

Bored~

2009-04-22T14:14:00.004+08:00

ya, i am bored =.= and, is due to nth-to-do condition, second, it's that dunno how to cope with incoming matrix life anyway @_@ anyway, i am not that sort of guy who will let myself bored for the whole day. First, i played the Restaurant City in Facebook, invited by my cousin to play, i a the-sim-like game, just that u build ur own restaurant, it's fun, and time consuming which is wat i need the most now haha, here's the link if u r interested = http://apps.facebook.com/restaurantcity/ but beware, it's addictive haha =P other than that, i found something to do today~~~ since my watch is 'dead' if u dunno...died for at least 2 days....and i already planning to buy another which i saw yesterday ay rm70.....i am not splurging XD just it's necessity for me to buy a double function watch, which means it's analog + digital, i use analog most of the time...but sometimes, i nid the digital date and timer. Anyway, since my old watch is dead, so today, i decided to post-mortem it since i am so bored..*yawn* here's the autospy~~
lol....it's been dismembered XD
fixing in progress =Pas u can see...or maybe not XD it's working again XD don ask me how i did that..cox i don even know XD haha

Petronas EDUCAMP + holiday~~

2009-04-19T17:36:00.005+08:00

yup, it's the petronas interview. That's the reason y i was in perak and penang last week. Had been called for interview and offerred to study mechanical engineering at UTP if i succeed in the interview and all the tests. 2 days, 4 tests, 1 interview. Everything is considered okay~~ the personality test, science and maths, english verbal test, and ofc IQ test XD haha, all the tests went well except for that IQ one...couldn't done it on time, 3 questions XD anyway, i just circled on random =P the interview was the most intriguing one~~ first we were given a topic each, mine is crime wave in teens and i was to recommend the solution given to me - setting up Youth Centres. We were in a group of 4. First we were to be asked to give a 10 mins speech on our topic. Ofc...others got different topic as mine, setting up special courses for offenders, Caunselling Unit, and Detention Camp. My 10 mins speech was so so~~ XD haha, i was also so tensed up and ended up going into the wrong room and wrong turn XD it's not my turn yet XD lol, anyway, after the 10 mins speech, we were given 40 mins to defend our own point in group and then make a conclusion of whose idea was the best. I won't say i dominate the discussion, just a bit more aggressive compared to others =D i am polite, that i am sure XD frequently used the phrase "May I..?" and "Could I..?" In the end, my idea was taken XD haha, by luck ofc =P anyway, that ends my petronas interview. XD

Next, is my holiday~~ lol, after the educamp, i went back to Ipoh City Hotel, stay for 1 night. The next day i was in penang dy~~ haha, anyway, have to admit that ipoh girls are more beautiful compared to here....er...i don't mean offence =P just most of them haha~~~ and i am not those flirty type anyway~~ not flirty XD haha..okok...so i went to penang, stay at Grand Continental Hotel, ate a lot XD it's really a paradise for every gourmet XD everything that is served, i ate 2 servings XD haha, is REAL nice~~ and then after staying for 2 days, i went to KL, met my bros~~ stay at Summit USJ Hotel, it's grand XD my eldest bro paid anyway~~~ haha, the best time is that all the 4 of us get together again XD haha, chatted a lot, joked XD it's a real happy time~~ and then, get msg from my 'best' friend =P , umair~~ said i get matrix in penang XD lol, well....let's just hope my college life is smooth and hopefully my dreams can be realized~~ =D

isn't it lovely? XD
wee~~~ under the mountain heading to penang~~
penang local speciality : bubur chacha XD
at Kek Lok Si, sheep, that's me XD
on da way back~~ but have to admit perak mountains are scenic =D

Frustrated

2009-04-06T13:46:00.003+08:00

today suddenly feel so frustrated and moody. At the thought of "what if" keep haunting me....what if i din get the jpa? what if i din get into matriculation? what if i have to go back to hsbp to study form 6? i dunno why before this, these questions have never been in my mind. Sometimes i have to admit i am too too too over-confident. When this over self-esteem breaks down, these questions are like troops of army rushing behind the barrier that once kept them away, into my mind. aiks....so frustrated and tensed up. And seeing other ppl have dy get wat they want.....makes me look left behind. The medic road i took is it really that hard? if last time i just took up engineering then maybe now i wouldn't be in the fork road of life here anymore. Dilemma....but if i took up engineering would i be happy? though i could study without using any $$, would happiness sttill be mine? aiks.......today is just such a moody day =.= i have pinned all my hope on jpa and if i din get it, all would be gone, 10A1 is just a paper then, nth more than that as a paper that couldn't get a place in jpa......sometimes i ask y must i making my life so difficult? isn't it better to just take engineering or even dentistry that i could have better chance? ..... May god bless me...hope jpa wil just pick me up from all the 8000 candidates ...

Real holiday~

2009-04-05T14:35:00.003+08:00

have u been into a holiday? well..no..semester holiday are not as great as post-spm holiday XD surprisingly these few days other than sleeping, eating and lateh-ing, my other activities include sleeping, eating, and lateh-ing XD haha...really don have anything to do. Am so bored XD Sometimes, time is precious, but other time, it's not XD haha....it's classic =P oh ya, i did taught my lion's daughter science =.= i wouldn't say i am a good teacher, but well, teaching ppl actually are way much better than doing nth XD and incredibly, i still remember meiosis and mitosis XD haha, cya...till then =P

JPA interview

2009-04-04T14:00:00.001+08:00

As the name implies, this post is all about the JPA interview. That morning, 6am i think, 31st March, i went for the interview in a car driven by my dad, accompanied by my mum, and off we went to kluang for the interview. Reached there by around 7.30. and i was instructed to went into a hall, leaving behind my parents in another. First, i handed iin my clear folder containing most of my co-curicular activities. Then, i signed in and waited.....waited...chatted....waited....waited...haha, my turn was the last anyway if u wondered. okok, let's fast forward. It's my turn. I went in the interview room with 4 other scholars, all with promising looks i would say. The first part is intoduction part and i actually clutched when speaking. Not fluently at all. Started to tense up. So, my discussion topic was "Watching too much TV could curtail children's creativity and thinking skill". I was stunned i could say..well, not quite understand the word 'curtail' that is. And we were given 5 minutes to preapre our point. And to my surprise, all of us dunno the word XD haha....and so, out of my surprise too, i eventually put up my hand and ask "Could we ask a question?" "May we know the meaning of "curtail"?" OMG....zzz..i also dunno why i did that at that time, but well, the interviewer laughed and gave us the answer =.= Then, we began giving out our opinions. The first lady...er...i mean the first scholar(wei chee), gave her opinion which was goverment point. She agreed. The second one which is me, gave my opposition point, i disagreed =P Another surprise came my way, the rest of them agreed XD and i ended up 1 vs 4. Fast forward....and we ended up discussing of cartoons. The last lady said watching too much TV deprive children's time from hanging out with friends which hanging out with friends could induce their thinking skills when they chat. My emotion that time was like "oh and wow" i was rebutted. And so...here are my rebuttals. I raised up one issue....the topic that children would talk about. "Would they talk about politics or economics? Let us put them in their shoes and think. What would be their frequent topic?"I asked the lady. I kinda regret asking this though. And after a few moments and thinking, she said "cartoon...." And straight away, i said "Yes, cartoons. Children talk about cartoon in their conversation and this cartoon that eventually stimulate their thinking skills, come from the TV they watch" XD after all, in the end, i dunno who win or lose, but i do know my killing point is that "too much" in the topic. After that, we thanked them and went out. My BP is finally back to normal after 1 hour long of struggling though. Now, i am not sure whether i could get the scholarship or not cox i talked with a lotsa of clutches. Eye contacts were average too. Kinda regret for not getting into these details at that time. =( Just hope i could get the scholarship....

PPKSD (season finale) XD

2009-03-27T18:38:00.001+08:00

final day. Mood = sad and disappointed. LOL it's quite memorable the experience during the whole course though. Seen much, hear much and learn much =P today is the day in medical ward. It's crowded and the sister there is nice. At least notices our presence and gives some talk. Saw the quarantine room for mentally impaired patients. Then we go to the post mortem, last night case. I missed the most interesting part - cranial opening XD cnt see the brain when it is my turn XD Cox it's friday....today the lunch time for us would be from 12.15 to 2.45. "It's gonna be a long time" my first thought. But things seem not to be that. I ended up chatting the whole way through with my colleagues. XD 2 hours chat. I also dunno how i could have done that =P talk about childhood memories, how many times we have met before but dunno each other and reasons being a doc. Then, around 3pm, we are in the dewan for the final speech by sister and off we are done XD 5 days, too quick XD my only regret is that i did not go to the pediatrics ... overall it's a nice programme. =D then we had our group photographs ^^ knew a lot of new friends too and most of them i think would be a good doc =P haha..... =D

PPKSD (4th day)

2009-03-26T23:18:00.004+08:00

ello~~~ here i come again XD haha. This very day we had our visit in surgical ward. Nothing special though. Met a patient with gangrene disease, highly contagious, and emitting a foul smell at the same time. We are not allowed to get any nearer to the quarantine room anyway. But the smell could be felt in the corridor too. Saw a respiratory suction too. patient breathing through a tube inserted directly to the trachea. Could see the patient is suffering though.....And then today we did meet a prof from IMU. He's friendly ^^ haha...though in the end we still could not meet wf him as schedule....4 to 5 or 4.25 XD these two same syllable thing makes me and my group mates argued XD haha...but then in the end no one is the winner XD Blood donation campaign and there we spent the rest of our day XD After that, we went home and planned to come back at 9pm. But plan, as the name implies, is just a plan. While i was still in dreamland, i got a call from cheow telling me there is an accident near my house XD it's really near....i changed my clothes and grabbed a 100Plus as my dinner =.= and go to the scene. Ambulance was there when i reached and the patient is on the stretcher. But unconscious or worse i dunno. He just lay still. And discovering we would be slower than the ambulance to reach the ER, Cheow and i rush to the car and go to the hospital. But still we are still slower than it =P anyway, by the time we reached the A&E could only see the ending procedure.....u know what i mean XD and so we waited in the forensic in the hope post-mortem would be performed soon but in the end we were informed it would be done tmr morning at 9am. aiks...i would be in the medical ward by then.....gonna miss it....anyway, this programme is getting more and more interesting, but the imperfection is that tmr is the last day XD haha...things like that, the more we want something, the harder it gets XD till then =P

PPKSD (3rd day)

2009-03-25T17:18:00.003+08:00

Today our schedule is in the O&G. The whole day is okay. Learn quite a lot XD learn how to take BP, body temperature, hear foetus' heartbeat....it's fast XD about 140bpm for normal foetus =P and then saw a few babies, they are cute =D wonder how was i when i was in the incubation last time XD but babies sure are cute...haha....and just now all of us oso went for the post mortem. It's exciting at first but the feeling is just not right. The details inside i cnt say cox it's supposed to be confidential. But luckily i am not scare at all when witnessing everythg XD but felt a bit of sad when u see the patient's family cried. It is really very different. Since the first day of this program all of us have been wanting to see one. But i think today all of us should feel sorry for our thinking these few days. Being so wanting to see a post mortem.....we r actually wanting ppl to demise. It's just not right. But what could be done? Maybe what this programme really wanted us to know is not just to know how doc handle stress, it's how u handle ur feeling though. XD haha.....but anyway, today's okay. And actually, most ppl here aren't as sincere as u thik though XD haha, even when we r in the same school....but actually i am prepared for that already....cox i just know them well when schooling together....haha =P till then =P

PPKSD (2nd day)

2009-03-24T21:49:00.004+08:00

2nd day in hospital for the PPKSD. Early in the morning we get our participants' tag and a new schedule at the information counter. Today, my group is to go to the orthopedics due to reschedule problem. Well, nothing much here except the morning ward rounds is very exciting. Exciting means to be able to see something related to doc of course. There are 2 patients, who got a deep...very deep scar - one in his thighs, another patient is near the heels there. It is real deep...erm...dy can say half-an-index-finger depth. So u can imagine....the gross part is not here...it is the doctor use his index finger and dug into it XD okok...after that part...everything is yet again monotonous with a little chit-chatting with my groupmates and a little of other interest-arousing activities and some dressing wounds procedure performed by the nurses there. All i could say is that all the nurses in this ward is kind ^^ And until about 4.30pm, its the end of the day~~~ And then something came up my mind. Stay until 9pm XD and i told all the others to see whether anyone wanna join my ridiculous idea XD obviously no one, cox everyone is real tirede including me XD but....i still went on anyway. I went to the A&E - the ER to stay until 9pm. To my surprise too, there are 2 rather serious cases. Assault case. The patient had a crack on his head and arms. I saw the MA there stitch the wound up XD it's very interesting. It's real XD not in drama =P haha another case is machine related accident. Half of the index finger is cut horizontally, which means the index finger is divided into upper and lower part XD this is......zzzzz.....it's really.......and i could even see it's bone!!!! omg....and the patient keep shouting and tears started to roll down when the doc is trying to help. And so...i call up the day as it's 9pm already~~~ other cases are like fracture and other usual type......the 2 cases i mention top in my day anyway XD today is very eventful and let me know more things~~~ better than the 1st day =D haha...cya....

PPKSD (first day)

2009-03-23T17:31:00.007+08:00

PPKSD, wonder what's that? it's program pendedahan kerjaya seorang doktor. today is the first day and all of the 31 participants is divided into 5 groups. Practically, there are 5 'big' topic we r going to learn, namely, 1. A&E/forensic/specialist, 2. medical, 3. surgical, 4. O&G, 5. orthopedics. As i am in the group 1, so today my topic would be the first one. First of all, we r to 'visit' each specialists room. There r 5 - 1. psychiatric, 2. orthopedic, 3. optometry, 4. dentistry, 5. O&G. Everything is very monotonous, except that in the O&G....it's the first time i truly see an ultrasound on foetus so close XD but in the end, i still couldn't figure out which is which though the doc told us that this is head, stomach and so on =.= and after all those 'visit', we went to A&E after lunch. A&E = ER actually. Nothing much here though, except a doctor who shares her experience with us and telling us the pros and cons of this profession. Then , she took the 7 of us to the mortuary. okok, it's the first time i am going in this type of room, though no post mortem is being performed which is very unfortunate XD but there is one body in the 'refrigerator'---don't know the exact name....murder case, got bruise, scars, and the sign of being post-mortem-ed before which is a very long scar starting from the neck to the lower body XD the whole chest collapsed due to the rib cage removed XD and we r actually watching it in about 1 metre or even less XD haha....and so....that's the end of the day~~ the whole day is not very eventful, but it is tiring XD *yawn* till then =P btw, sry for not posting any photo cox it is not allowed here =(

doc look O.O|||

2009-03-21T14:05:00.008+08:00

today i phoned the person-in-charged of the pre-interview programme about the appropriate attire during the whole course. And so the criteria is a 'doctor look' XD okok, i went for a haircut just now, ended up an incredible short hair @_@ and then bought 2 ties and a tiepin, it's expensive XD =.= prepare my formal shirts and slacks, and everything is on the go, but still the new short hair looks dumb =P haha~~~ btw, by next monday will be in hos for 8 hours daily for 5 days consecutive 9am - 5pm. woot~~~ a somewhat doc's life and what i have been waiting for...

hospital hospital hospital~~~ XD

2009-03-20T16:57:00.003+08:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!! can't believe i got the letter to go to hospital XD so happy ~~~ though this is not the first time i go to hospital to 'lawat', but it's the first time i am stepping nearer to the dream~~ but at the same time, got a little scare the post mortem, gosh, watching 'ppl' being slaughter or butcher is zzzzzzz, but wat to do?~~~ that's wat i am going to do next time, have to face it too, no pain no gain, eh...correction, no gross no gain XD XD XD XD ops...haven say the date ler~~~ 23rd march to 27th march~~ 5 days~~ haha, dunno wat will happen, but will keep this blog updated anyway~~ and so, cya~~

12 march

2009-03-19T23:04:00.005+08:00

12 march. LOL. big day, but i can't measure how big la =P early in the morning>>quite early>>around 9 a.m >.> i am already in the school hall LOL waiting for the results that had been waiting for 3 months xD sitting in the hall, the thumbing of the heart just kept non-stop...ofc =P and so i wait and wait, chatting wf friends and finally reach the moment!!!! the moment for pengetua to give a speech >.> oh gosh....and so the time went by =D and then there is one ceremony for calling ppl wf straight A to go upstage and receive the slip....zzzzz...wat a idea >.> and it is announce that our sch have only 8 10a1....woot....and so the roll-call begun...the 1st one..not me @_@ 2nd...not me 0.0|| 3rd..not me O.O||||| 5th~~~~ finally xD LOL, dunno how my blood pressure shoot up =P wakaka...actually the above statement is for fictional purpose =P the truth is my class tc already come and tell me the result just before the ceremony begun =P haha... but the above emoticons is absolutely true~~ =D i thought that is the end, but no >.> it's just the beginning, have lotsa to do, need to apply so many thgs, do so many thgs, and prepare so many thgs >.> and the most infuriating thg is that i just found that my scouts cert is not wf me >.> and go back sch to search the kerani told me the cert is not wf them?? =.= then where would my cert go @_@ zzzz .... all in all, here's begins Sphinx Certs' Hunt xD LOLOLOLOL cya..till next time =D

a glimpse of where to go~~

2009-03-05T01:16:00.003+08:00

12 March. the decision day xD though i haven't decide which courses would i take after this, but there is one thing that i am sure is that my interest is in biology~~ cox i found that whenever i am reading it, i can understand it =D unlike physics and chemistry that could even took me a few hours to understand a chapter. haha... quite happy though cox i finally saw some pathway into my life ^^ and i see many of my friends still struggling in finding their own interest. remember to just follow ur first intention and u will know it~~

On the brisk of dying...

2009-03-01T17:51:00.001+08:00

one week more to SPM result and i am still unsure of what to study after this. Feel so pathetic. Been study for 11 years and i just discovered that i have been studying for the sake of studying. Whenever ppl asked me of my own interest, i just went dumb and deaf. Not because i was trying to keep it a secret, neither am i being arrogant, but it's just i, too am ignorant of it. Some say medicine is a sure for me. But i have been thinking whether i could be a good doctor as i know doctor is not an occupation, rather it's a commitment - for a lifetime. Being a doctor means spending most of your time with patients. Being a doctor means depriving your own time wih your family. Doctor has been my aim since i began my Form 5 studies..maybe..but now i realize that i may not be up to it. And so, i am stunned. Pursuing a dream for almost a year and now it's all becoming a dream or rather, a nightmare to me. If not doctor, what should i study? I always score bad in my chemistry and i don't like physics. Lawyer is out too. And another problem is that Pre-U studies. Facing a great dealt of financial problem. If i could not get a scholarship to sustain my tuition fees, the only road left is STPM - which is also the last route i would take cause i know STPM is no more an easy exam. A-level in private U is the best option but also undeniable the most expensive route to take, which has been limited to me. Came to no conclusion after thinking hard for several days. What to do next?
.....